we should wear snuggies to the strip club
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
