Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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