Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
