McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
