I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
