so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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