i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize