i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
