So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
