Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
