Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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