so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize