dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
then he tried to convert me to islam
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
