Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
