wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
