Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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