the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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