New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
