Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
