allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Panties = found
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
