Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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