You can't motorboat a personality
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
