There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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