Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
