This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
