my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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