For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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