was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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