I wish I only lived at night.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
