I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
