You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
