As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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