Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
