:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
