First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
