his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
