Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
