I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
