forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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