I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
