I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
