The maid of honor just puked.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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