Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
These tits shall not be calmed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
