Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
