my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You don't make any sense
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