A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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