A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
