theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
