worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
