Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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