there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
