You're my little dorito
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
