honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
