I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
