i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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