if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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