I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
