Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
