took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
