i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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