my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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