youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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