Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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