I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
