I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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