Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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