i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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