The maid of honor just puked.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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