your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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