I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
