I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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