4 words: hood of his car
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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