who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
