he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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