I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
