well he's currently spooning the coffee table
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
