Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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