you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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