GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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