You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize