Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize