Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
