I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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