omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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