I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
