Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
