I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize