yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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