I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
