i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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