No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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