Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
