i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
