The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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