like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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