just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
