That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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