Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
