i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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