I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
