He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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