I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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