You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
