Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
