Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
