girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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