I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
