Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
