Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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