How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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