I heard we made out
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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